A Letter of Sorts

Dear Coworkers,

Thank you for your congratulations. I truly appreciate your kind words, and am touched by the support I received today.

Unfortunately (or rather, fortunately from my unmarried, bachelor suite living, full time employee and part time student point of view) I am not pregnant.
Nope. Definitely not.

I actually just drink a lot of beer and eat my salads smothered in dressing (which defeats the purpose of ordering the salad). And while I get at least thirty minutes to an hour of exercise daily, I avoid any kind of ab workouts like the masochistic activity they are. (War Criminals should be treated to the “7 minute Ab Video” that my sister makes me do every blue moon. That’ll get them talking.)

Also, a sincere thank you for ruining my favourite dress. Here I thought I looked adorable, with the blue and yellow swirly skirt and the waist height band that (I thought) hid my bulging tummy. Apparently you just thought I looked “oh, about four months along”.

Awesome.
I’ll be sure to purge my closet tonight for any other items that support this misinformation.

Sincerely,
SMRP.