The man who lives in the apartment above me murders people.
I assume.
I suppose it’s slanderous to say this, but I’m at least 14% sure and that’s pretty darn sure for someone as indecisive as me.
The evidence is pretty damning.
I think.
I mean, we don’t hear murder-y sounds coming through the vents and there is no stench of blood coming from the dumpsters. There also aren’t a lot of missing people in our neighbourhood.
But he does do laundry every morning at 6:30am.
Every. Morning.
At 6:30!
He’s an older gentleman who lives alone and either owns one pair of underwear (in which case he should just buy a few value packs of Fruit of the Loom since it would cost less than the energy costs of daily laundry) or has a raging case of OCD.
Or he murders people!
…
At the annual BBQ I tried to do some subtle investigative work by asking questions like “Had he ever been to prison?” or “Does he ever succumb to murderous rages?” but rather than getting any good answers I just got awkward laughter and uncomfortable silence.
The uncomfortable silence of guilt, perhaps?
Kevin has asked me to not encourage our neighbours to think we are giant weirdos but I think that it’s much weirder to do daily laundry at 6:30 in the morning than it is to ask thoughtful and engaging questions at social event.
… I don’t think I won that argument …
I hope that my upstairs neighbour is not somehow a devoted follower of this blog. I mean, I have no qualms about murderers reading my blog I just don’t want to make things awkward in the elevator.
Or at least make things any more awkward than they are after our encounter at the BBQ …
Alas, dear reader, I suppose I will never know the truth.
triSARAHtops 
I worked for the police for thirty years and happened to meet several murderers. Most were nice – but a few were not. I occasionally met their neighbors, most were nice – but….. Well, let’s not go into that.
Allow me to add, that I would also be suspicious of anyone doing laundry every day at 6:30 a.m.
Right?! I am going to take your agreement that it is suspicious as proof! Time to set a trap to catch him … or just continue to drink my coffee and speculate in the morning. We will just have to wait and see …
I think you need to knock on his door at 6:30 and say “Hey, I’m doing laundry too, can I borrow some detergent?” and see if anything suspicious is going on.
Excellent Plan! Do you think it would be appropriate for me to wear a ski mask when doing so? You know, so he isn’t sure which neighbour I am in case he decides to exact revenge?
Absolutely! I mean, he could just follow you after you leave, but at least he won’t know what you look like.
……… very nice…..; definitely giggle worthy and sufficiently random to qualify as a “TriSarahTops”. Congrat’s… look forward to more… and some of your old fans liked it too!
Thanks, Dad! That’s high praise from you!
Now if only I could resist the urge to phone you every five minutes until you read my work …
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