Morning Person

When I wake up every morning at 5:30 to walk Ninja, Kevin steals my pillow.

People I tell this story to think it’s cute and romantic, that he is snuggling my pillow in an attempt to be close to me.

I personally think it’s demonic.

It’s my pillow, buddy. Hands (or face, as it were) off.

Alas, I have yet to think of a form of sabotage that doesn’t backfire by destroying my pillow.

It’s a real problem, Dear Reader.

I welcome any suggested solutions, except those telling me to share.


Snap Caps Cause Snapping

I miss childproof pill bottles. Lately everything I have been buying, be it Tylenol, vitamins or prescription, comes in these ridiculous “Snap Cap” or “Twist Top” bottles. At first I was excited by the ease of the new bottles. “What do you mean all I have to do is pull off the cap to get to my Tylenol?” No more bottle cap imprints left on my hand after a particularly difficult twist? Nope, it was smooth sailing from here.

Now? Well, now I just find it infuriating.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the ease of Easy-Open Tylenol when I have a headache. Not having to expend the effort to press down on the lid while doing the twist-this-way-NO-not-that-way-THIS-way (not to be confused with Walk This Way) is a huge help. That extra two seconds of concentration could cause an artery to burst and nobody wants that. Nobody.

But here’s where it all goes wrong. See the “easy” part of the easy to open bottles isn’t misleading in the slightest. They really are easy to open. So easy, in fact, that they can be opened by anything. Not sure what I mean? Well, let me tell you!

As is the norm, I have an extremely large purse which I use to carry around an entire pharmacy. This never used to be a problem until the “Snap Cap” came about. Now whenever I open my purse I am greeted by a plethora of pills, free floating amongst my keys. Even my “pill a day” case cracks open from time to time.

This is starting to give off the wrong impression. The grocery cashiers eye the pill-covered bottom of my purse while I frantically search for change. My neighbours have started to gossip about the brightly coloured pills falling from my lanyard while I try to open my door (and pretending that they are M&M’s isn’t helping my case … especially when their children reach for the “candy coated goodness”).  

And the poor bus drivers? The ones I pelt with pills as I try to free my bus pass from the tiny ball-pit that is my bag? They aren’t too keen on me either.

Please, Pharmacy Folk: bring back the Child Proof bottles, for all our sakes.

As an aside, I recently learned that pumping iron is not the same thing as taking iron pills. Boy-oh-boy did that make for an awkward conversation.

Does this remind anyone else of the Matrix?