An Apology to My Readers (or, Humouring My Dad)

I need to start off this post by explaining that my Father is a bully. He has spoken to me almost daily for the last year about the importance of writing more, and how I am in danger of losing readers because I have stopped posting. (Really, he means that he’s going to stop reading as he’s really my only follower. Thanks, Dad.) He has also insisted that I write an apology to my followers (him) for my lack of posts.

So, here it is.

Dear Reader, I am sorry I have not been writing. Luckily for you I am a huge believer in excuses rather than sincerity, so please read on so I can explain why my dazzling wit has been absent from your life these last twelve months.

Reason Number One: I am currently dating someone and am only really funny when I’m alone, drinking wine straight from the bottle and watching Gilmore Girls on a Saturday Night … and every night. (In all honesty I actually miss those evenings. My sweat pants have been so lonely on my shelf this last year!) Don’t get me wrong, my Gentleman Friend is a fine one, but it’s hard to write hilarious dating stories starring the guy you actually want to stick around.

Reason Number Two: Pinterest. Yup. It’s true. I, like every other woman between the ages of 20 and 50 have succumbed to the Pinterest Phenomenon. I am well and truly addicted with over a thousand pins that I have never looked twice at. The thrill of hitting “Repin” has become my crack and the hours spent browsing crafty crafts that make me feel horribly inadequate and not creative at all are hours well spent. (I’m not gonna lie, I’m even browsing Pinterest right now, on my phone, as I write this.)

Reason Number Three: I am intimidated by my own hilarity. Need an explanation for this one? No? Well, Ima give you one anyway! Every time something moderately funny happens, or every time my Dad comes up with a semi-inspiring speech on why I need to “stop wasting my talent” I go back and read old posts. And damn, am I ever funny! My own brilliance gives me a horrible anxiety. How can I ever live up to my Golden Age of Blog Posts? How can I satisfy my one reader? It’s terrifying!

Blogging is a hard life, though it’s one I still believe in.

Hopefully this apology will inspire me to write more, or at least guilt you, dear reader, into continuing your subscription to what promises to be sporadic mediocrity.