I love to make people uncomfortable. This is not a mean thing, I’m just awkward all the time and it makes me feel better about myself when other people squirm and avoid direct eye contact. You know that twitchy gleam in the eyes of someone who just wants to run in the opposite direction? I love that.
(Where am I going with this? You’re about to find out!)
Yesterday I had an opportunity to let my awkwardness shine (and also to paint myself as a hypocrite for all of the “Strange People on the Bus” rants I have written).
But before I get into the details, dear reader, here’s a bit of back story for you. Because I am up all night searching for funny cat pictures on the interwebs and cyber stalking Daniel Radcliffe I really look at my morning commute as a chance to smush my face against the window and zone out in a semiconscious state that’s close enough to sleep to be restful, but alert enough that I don’t miss my stop. It is not an opportunity for me to make friends or to engage in small talk with other people unfortunate enough to be taking the bus at 6:50am. Gone are the days of friendly bus banter, I’ve practiced my stern look and I use it with confidence.
Well, usually my attitude towards people on the bus isn’t a problem (and is, in fact, shared by most commuters) but yesterday was different. There I was, riding the bus to work and looking absolutely adorable in all my bleary eyed, sleep deprived glory, when three stops in a man got on who decided that talking to me would be a great way to start off his day. He seemed pleasant and not at all like a serial killer, but I am definitely not capable of flirting in the morning. Not to mention the fact that I have a hard enough time choosing which celebrity I want to mentally date each week without adding a real person to the mix. (Imaginary boyfriends are the best boyfriends.)
So, after about 10 minutes of engaging conversation and thoughtful questions I did what any girl would do. I smiled, brushed my hair behind my ear, and spoke:
“We would make the cutest babies!”
“Just kidding! … Our babies would look so weird!”
Bus Man got off on the next stop and I was able to enjoy the rest of my commute in blissful silence.
Sometimes life is good.