Happy Birthday (I guess)

Dear Dad,

Happy Birthday to you!

I love you and hope you have a delightful day. I say this even though I still have not forgiven you for never letting me join gymnastics.
(You’d think that after 24 years I would have let it go, but you’d be wrong. I will never forget. Never.)

I suppose after last year’s mushy post you were expecting something heartfelt and kind … but instead I am just going to admit something you have known all along: I have been deliberately inciting the feud between you and Kevin and it has been fantastic!

The Paper Airplane Smack Talk? Awesome!
The Cookie Thieving? Frankly it’s flattering.

I will neither confirm nor deny that I currently have a colour coded task list of other things I can use to stoke the fire.
(Though that really does sound like something I would do, doesn’t it? Mwahahahahaha!)

Still, it’s your birthday so I suppose I can be kind to you for at least today, even if you haven’t submitted a Friend Resume to me for my perusal.
(That’s two strikes. First the gymnastics, now the friend resume. If it wasn’t your birthday I would tell you that you are on thin ice.)

Love Always,


PS. Kevin ate two of your birthday cookies. He says they are delicious.