Excuses, Excuses (and Dinosaurs!)

Lately (and even farther back than lately) I have been getting a lot of flack for not writing more often. And, while I certainly do feel bad that I am not able to regale the internet with hyperbolic stories of my dazzling life, the truth is I just have a whole pile of excuses. (You may remember those from my previous post, the Apology I wrote to my Father. Or you may not. It was a long time ago.)

You see, in addition to my very active social life (I now have TWO friends, and a boyfriend.), my Pinterest Addiction (which has not waned), and my fear of not being funny (which has increased exponentially), I now have a New Excuse!

Drum Roll Please: I am back at school!
Yup. I am back in the world of learning!

About what you ask?

Well, I am soon to be taking this fantastic course about DINOSAURS! Yup. Dino 101. It starts this September and features all of my favourite things about learning: it’s not graded, it’s done on my own time, it’s free, and it’s about DINOSAURS!

I can’t tell you how incredibly excited I am about this. Dinosaurs have been a passion of mine since my brother convinced me that the fiercest of all dinos, the most important of the prehistoric lizards was named after me. For years I have wanted to take a course on them, but the high costs of University and the lack of “General Interest Dinosaur Courses” has stood in my way. But no longer!

On my brother’s recommendation I have purchased a new book, “The Dragon Seekers” by Christopher McGowan, to get me in the “mood” for learning. (As if I have ever NOT been in the mood to learn about dinosaurs.) I have also been watching a lot of Dinosaur Office in preparation. To further prove my dedication, my future plans include downloading the entire series of Jurassic Fight Club and forcing Kevin to watch all of the Land Before Time movies with me. It’s a hard life.

You can see why all of this, on top of working full time, interferes with my writing.

For this I apologize.

I only hope that you, dear reader, will forgive (and envy) me as I learn about the Attack and Defense of Dinosaurs (Week Five is when I plan to watch nothing but Jurassic Fight Club).

PS. I suppose it’s also worth mentioning that I am taking the Accounting Technician Diploma Program from Thompson Rivers University via correspondence, which, at an average of 16+ hours of studying and homework a week, also cuts into my writing time. But, let’s be honest, when it comes down to Dino 101 vs. the Fundamentals of Accrual-Basis Accounting, which course are you going to get more excited about?

PPS. I actually really enjoy Accounting. Especially Accrual Basis Accounting.

PPPS. That’s not a joke. Accounting is awesome.


Dinosaurs were really rather sophisticated. 

Quarks are Quirky

Yesterday my sister regaled me with these great words of wisdom: “I’m pretty sure he didn’t break up with you because of your preference for rhombi.”

This may not mean much to you, dear reader, but for me it was a major relief! (I would hate for my love of the rhombus to interfere with my love life.) Where am I going with this, you ask? Read on to find out!

You see, I possess a rare quality known as The Quirk Factor (NOT the Quark Factor. Aside from my love of Sheldon Cooper I don’t have any interest in Physics.) Mostly found in “nerds”, it is also a popular trait amongst the socially awkward, the introspective, and recluses around the globe. Due to the influx of Comic Book Movies and the growing popularity of shows such as “The Guild” and “The Big Bang Theory”, The Quirk Factor is slowly taking over pop culture.

The Quirk Factor is exactly what it sounds like. It’s a quirky personality. A genuine relish for the ridiculous, an appreciation for the awkward, a passion for the peculiar … and if you’ve been reading my blog for a while (or have talked to me in person for more than five minutes) you know that I am the embodiment of this.

But I digress. My sister’s words to me yesterday morning were not just a relief to that nagging feeling I’ve been having that the boy and my shapes just weren’t compatible. (There’s a joke in there somewhere. A geometry joke.) No! It also inspired me to write yet another list! (Are you excited? I bet you are! Who doesn’t want to know more about me? Seriously, who?) And thus I bring to you “10 Quirks for the Curious” (or, “These are NOT reasons I am Single”):

His Dad is such a Square!

1) As mentioned above, my favourite shape is the rhombus. This has nothing to do with the actual structure of rhombi, but how much fun it is to say Rhombus. Say it with me,  Rhombus.

2) I don’t like odd numbers unless they are multiples of 5. There are a few exceptions but to go into them would make me sounds strange. OCD FTW.

3) I get along better with people over the age of 45 than with people my own age.

4) I love watching modern video games being played but I hate playing them. Really the only video games I love playing are old school console games or anything with Lego in the title.

5) I use Air Quotes both excessively and inappropriately. This is not always deliberate.

6) I love Chuck Palahniuk, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Metalocalypse, and South Park. The more offensive and ridiculous the humour the more I love it.

Which brings me to my next fact …

7) What I don’t appreciate? Constant offensive humour. Unless you’re a best-selling author, Jon Lajoie, or featured Friday nights on Adult Swim, please keep it to yourself. I don’t want to hear it.

I hear ya! Get it? “Hear ya?” Cause you’re singing?

8 ) I don’t know the words to 90% of the songs I sing along to. The beauty of this? My singing voice is so terrible that people tune me out and rarely notice what words I’m actually belting out. Life is awesome.

9) I think the exploding fist bump and the rolling thumbs up are the two COOLEST ways to express satisfaction.

And last, but definitely not least …

10) As previously stated in a post last spring, I love dinosaurs! What I neglected to tell you is that most of what I love about dinosaurs is untrue. You are hearing it here first; all of my favourite dino facts are made up by yours truly. I know, I know it’s surprising. Here I had you convinced that Triceratops were the prehistoric equivalent of the King of the Jungle and that Pterosaurs (aka: Pterodactyls) charged cab fare to fly smaller dinos on busy Friday evenings. Mind. Blown.

This is 100% how it happened.

J’ai vraiment intelligente! Toi aussi?

I suffer from a constant need to apologize. It’s a very Canadian trait, and can be (is) pretty irritating to those around me. I (always) say something awkward? I’m sorry. I win the board game? I’m sorry. Someone bumps into me with their shopping cart? I’m sorry.

I saturate the internet with longwinded blog entries and rants, filled with improper grammar and an obvious love affair with commas? Really, I’m sorry.

The most unfortunate side effect of this is that, when lacking in things to apologize for, I create them. I will take the most minor infraction and grovel at your feet. Honest.

In this instance, I am going to apologize to you, dear reader (Dad) for my original introduction to this blog. It really gave you no information at all. This was completely deliberate on my part. It was a gimmick. I wanted to be vague; I wanted to give myself a false air of mystery so that you would be compelled to keep reading. (Did it work?)

But I am here to rectify that!

This blog entry won’t be a rant. Instead I am going to take this opportunity to tell you 12 things about myself. 13 if you count my propensity to apologize – ah heck, let’s count it! I may as well go for a baker’s dozen!

So, without further ado, I bring to you twelve facts about SMRP:

1) I love dinosaurs. This stems from my childhood believe that triSARAHtops were named after me. Even after the crushing disappointment of learning that it is, in fact, spelled triceratops, I still love dinosaurs. Jurassic Park FTW!

2) I talk smack. A Lot. And I only talk smack for things that I can’t back up. I also like to challenge people much stronger than me to fisticuffs. It’s part of living dangerously.

3) I have horrible taste in Television. My love of classic shows like Dr. Who and Veronica Mars is balanced by my obsession with Highlander and the BBC Robin Hood. The cheesier the show, the more I love it.

4) That being said, I also have terrible taste in Music. For every Josh Ritter and Black Keys album on my Ipod there is an equal number of Miley Cyrus and Glee songs. (My latest obsession? Score: The Hockey Musical Soundtrack)

And, you guessed it,

5) I love, love, love bad movies. Conan? Amazing! Excalibur? Hilarious! The movie Outlander actually made it into my Top Ten Movies of ALL TIME. (Aliens? Check. Vikings? Check. Time Travel? Check. A freaking Dragon? CHECK! What’s not to love?)

6) I have an uncanny ability to make every situation awkward. ‘Nuff said.

7) I cheat on “Which House?” quizzes so that I can end up in Ravenclaw when I really belong in Hufflepuff. (Can you tell I’m a diehard Harry Potter fan?)

8 ) I have a serious obsession with Travel. I collect travel books and make collages. Taped to my closet door is a list of destinations I need to visit and things I need to do before I turn 35.

9) My signature dance move is the Penguin. It’s pretty amazing.

10) I can’t bake under pressure. Explanation? A batch of cookies made for my own gluttonous enjoyment? Delicious! A cake baked to bring to a friend’s house? Densely disgusting.

11) Following number ten, I have a love of alliteration and rhyming. Honestly, I write terrible poetry all the time just to get my fix.

Which brings me to …

12) I love to write, but I was crippled early on by misplaced arrogance. When I was younger everyone told me that I could and should write, which went straight to my head. Now I only write for myself as I am too terrified of people thinking I didn’t fulfill my “potential”.

So, do feel as if you know me any better?