Dear Gentleman Barista,
I am sorry if I made you uncomfortable when I winked at you this morning. I recognize now that it was a weird thing to do especially with the lineup of people behind me. I will know better next time and promise to only wink when the place is empty.
Also I am doubly sorry for loudly stating that I was being “friendly, not flirty” before laughing awkwardly and bumping into the gift card display. I just wanted to be clear and wasn’t sure how best to get the message across. Perhaps I should have just slid you a note? Either way, I think drawing attention to myself definitely made me seem more ‘flirty than friendly’ which was obviously not what I was going for.
I suppose silence is best in situations like this.
Honestly this nervousness is just because I have no idea how to act around you. Your penchant for giving me free stuff makes me uncomfortable as I am not sure if it’s because you “like me” or if it is meant as an apology for how you always spell my name wrong. (It’s Sarah with an H!)
I am not comfortable with people “liking me”. It’s weird and I don’t like it …
Alas, I do love not having to pay for soy and getting the occasional pretzel for free has the power to turn my frown upside down every time. Thank you for this.
To get back on point I really just want to make sure I am not leading you on in any way with my adorable awkwardness.
(My super cuteness factor isn’t something I can just turn off. It comes naturally to me.)
The truth is I am quite happy with my current paramour and while I don’t think he can make a very good latte I still would like to keep him around. This doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate you and the awesome work you do, it just means this awkward tension between us is never going to go anywhere. Ever.
Was that too blunt?
I hope we can continue our relationship of Barista/Customer both knowing that this is as far as it will ever go.
I also really hope you can start spelling my name right as it is one of my biggest Pet Peeves, though I am sure I can let it go if I must.
(That’s a lie, I will never let it go and if the opportunity ever presents itself I will definitely spell your name wrong!)
Thank you for your time (and for all of the free stuff).
PS. If your interest in me is because you think I have money please know that I don’t. I come to Starbucks all the time not because I can afford it, but because I am reckless and irresponsible.
PPS. Awkwardly winking at you and almost knocking over a display still isn’t the most embarrassing thing to happen to me at a Starbucks … Perhaps it’s time I just stop going? … … One day.