Temporarily Sans Boyfriend

My boyfriend is leaving me for a month to go backpacking with a friend of his. He’s quite excited about this trip and very well prepared and I honestly believe it will be a good experience for him. That being said I am quite terrified. I am a very anxious person and a constant worrier so of course I am terrified.

Still, I believe all will be well and I am really looking forward to seeing his pictures, hearing his cool stories, and also opening the awesome present I am sure he is going to remember to buy me.

But being alone for a month isn’t all bad. With my lovely man gone I can indulge in some of my favourite things without any degree of guilt or embarrassment.

Like what? you ask. Well, I’m going to tell you!

Here, for your reading pleasure, is a list of all of the awesome things I am going to do while I am Sans Boyfriend:

  • Binge watch all of Xena: Warrior Princess I can’t tell you how I excited I am about this. It has been years since I have seen an episode and even longer since I have watched them through. No more sharing the remote, now I can chill with Xena and Gabrielle and imagine Felicia Day and me in their place. (I am happy to be Felicia’s sidekick any day)
  • Stop Shaving My Legs And it will be glorious.
  • STER Dates! I have so many awesome dates planned with my sister I’ll be lucky if I manage to see anyone else while he is gone. We have adventure dates and exercise dates, beer dates and play dates (both the playful type and the actual “play” type) planned and are so excited for all the awesome sister time ahead.
  • The No Naughty November Challenge With my gentleman caller gone I think I will finally be able to conquer the No Naughty November Challenge. No junk food, no drinking (except for red wine), no buying breakfasts/lunches, no skipping the gym or exercise classes, and no sex. I know it sounds terrible, but I’m actually looking forward to it. This girl definitely needs more discipline in her life and this sounds like an excellent way to start. (Side Note: the no drinking does not extend to the awesome Beer Events my sister and I are going to. Winterbrau FTW!)
  • Freedom to Ogle Moustaches No jealousy here! I will have complete freedom to unabashedly stare at the Mo-Vember participants at my leisure
  • Fall Asleep Reading Romance Novels No more staying up late with the boyfriend watching Top Gear and Doctor Who, now I can finally go to bed at a sensible time and read myself to sleep like I’ve always loved doing
  • People Watch on the Weekends and Write Write Write! I love to sit alone and watch people (not in a creepy way, just in an interested way … and sometimes in a creepy way) and get story ideas while pretentiously writing in coffee shops. This is hard to do with someone with you.
  • Listen to the same Eight Songs on repeat, loudly And sing along too.
  • Spa Nights at Home Hair dye, manicures, face masks, bubble baths, and wine in glasses as big as my face. Probably while reading a romance novel and listening to my short playlist.
  • Plan Our Trip to Costa Rica And, in the moments that I am missing him, I can always plan the awesome trip that we are going to have in 2015. Costa Rica, baby!

As sad as my life may sound to you, dear reader, I really am excited for this alone time (and the time I get to spend with my sister). While doing the things you love with someone you love is always a wonderful experience sometimes it’s nice to just hang out with numero uno (Myself).

That being said, I hope he misses me as much as I am going to miss him.

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He’s pretty miss-able.

Things That Should Bother Me But Instead Make Me Awesome, pt. 1.

It’s been a while since I’ve posted a list and I know you’re dying to learn more about me. (Also, I didn’t have time to write a real post.) So, without further ado, here is a list of “5 Things That Should Bother Me But Instead Make Me Awesome, pt. 1”:

  • When browsing online for things to buy myself I always have to look through the “Gifts for Him Section” because the “Gifts for Her Section” is lame and doesn’t come with Beer Kits.
  • I ALWAYS find something wrong with movies. Always. You call it annoying, I call it striving for perfection.
  • I can’t start a book and not finish it, no matter how terrible it is. ‘Cause you never know if it might suddenly get good after 500 pages when you’re only a chapter from the end. It could happen (though it hasn’t yet).
  • I constantly make up stories about people in my head, giving every casual acquaintance a long (and often tragic) backstory. This is great until I start to mix up the backstory I invented with their actual history. Asking a friend about the aunt they lost at sea or their missing toe gets rather awkward when it’s all made up.
  • I am so socially awkward that I make Sheldon Cooper look like the most personable man in the world. Even if I can think of a million small top topics my mouth trips up and I end up just saying super weird things or giggling nervously or, if things are really bleak, saying “boogie boogie boogie” and attempting to dance. Even I wouldn’t want to talk to me.

Still, these quirks are a huge part of who I am and I wouldn’t change them for the world. Except maybe to improve my dancing skills as my awkward shaking to “boogie boogie boogie” is really quite ungainly.

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Beauty is on the Inside. … Right?

PS. Stay tuned, dear reader! Friday’s post will be a good one 🙂

Quarks are Quirky

Yesterday my sister regaled me with these great words of wisdom: “I’m pretty sure he didn’t break up with you because of your preference for rhombi.”

This may not mean much to you, dear reader, but for me it was a major relief! (I would hate for my love of the rhombus to interfere with my love life.) Where am I going with this, you ask? Read on to find out!

You see, I possess a rare quality known as The Quirk Factor (NOT the Quark Factor. Aside from my love of Sheldon Cooper I don’t have any interest in Physics.) Mostly found in “nerds”, it is also a popular trait amongst the socially awkward, the introspective, and recluses around the globe. Due to the influx of Comic Book Movies and the growing popularity of shows such as “The Guild” and “The Big Bang Theory”, The Quirk Factor is slowly taking over pop culture.

The Quirk Factor is exactly what it sounds like. It’s a quirky personality. A genuine relish for the ridiculous, an appreciation for the awkward, a passion for the peculiar … and if you’ve been reading my blog for a while (or have talked to me in person for more than five minutes) you know that I am the embodiment of this.

But I digress. My sister’s words to me yesterday morning were not just a relief to that nagging feeling I’ve been having that the boy and my shapes just weren’t compatible. (There’s a joke in there somewhere. A geometry joke.) No! It also inspired me to write yet another list! (Are you excited? I bet you are! Who doesn’t want to know more about me? Seriously, who?) And thus I bring to you “10 Quirks for the Curious” (or, “These are NOT reasons I am Single”):

His Dad is such a Square!

1) As mentioned above, my favourite shape is the rhombus. This has nothing to do with the actual structure of rhombi, but how much fun it is to say Rhombus. Say it with me,  Rhombus.

2) I don’t like odd numbers unless they are multiples of 5. There are a few exceptions but to go into them would make me sounds strange. OCD FTW.

3) I get along better with people over the age of 45 than with people my own age.

4) I love watching modern video games being played but I hate playing them. Really the only video games I love playing are old school console games or anything with Lego in the title.

5) I use Air Quotes both excessively and inappropriately. This is not always deliberate.

6) I love Chuck Palahniuk, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Metalocalypse, and South Park. The more offensive and ridiculous the humour the more I love it.

Which brings me to my next fact …

7) What I don’t appreciate? Constant offensive humour. Unless you’re a best-selling author, Jon Lajoie, or featured Friday nights on Adult Swim, please keep it to yourself. I don’t want to hear it.

I hear ya! Get it? “Hear ya?” Cause you’re singing?

8 ) I don’t know the words to 90% of the songs I sing along to. The beauty of this? My singing voice is so terrible that people tune me out and rarely notice what words I’m actually belting out. Life is awesome.

9) I think the exploding fist bump and the rolling thumbs up are the two COOLEST ways to express satisfaction.

And last, but definitely not least …

10) As previously stated in a post last spring, I love dinosaurs! What I neglected to tell you is that most of what I love about dinosaurs is untrue. You are hearing it here first; all of my favourite dino facts are made up by yours truly. I know, I know it’s surprising. Here I had you convinced that Triceratops were the prehistoric equivalent of the King of the Jungle and that Pterosaurs (aka: Pterodactyls) charged cab fare to fly smaller dinos on busy Friday evenings. Mind. Blown.

This is 100% how it happened.

5 Things I Shouldn’t Admit in Public

I have no intro to this so I’m just going to dive right in. Please enjoy. Or don’t. I don’t mind either way … Except I totally do. Please love this post. Please love my blog. Please love me. I mean, I am very self assured and confident. Super confident. Like Kate Moss or that guy who was in line in front of me at Starbucks this morning. He was swell.

Right. Onto the list. (It’s been a while since I gave you, dear reader, an “About Me” in numerical order.)

1) I thought the song “Moves Like Jagger” was actually “Moves Like Jager” (as in Jagermeister). I no longer identify with this song.

2) Every time I read a poorly written text message or Facebook post I mentally correct it, shudder, and move on. (A certain someone’s text messages almost made me break down in tears for the Ontario Education System … or lack thereof.)

3) My first date was to the movie “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” … with a boy who had actually called to ask out my sister.

4) When you are telling me about your day/your week/your deepest secrets I am humming theme songs in my head. All. The. Time. If it makes you feel better the seriousness of the conversation does determine the theme song.

5) Every time you read something I have written in ALL CAPS, imagine me saying it in my DINOSAUR VOICE. If you don’t know what I’m referencing, go to YouTube and search “Dinosaur Office”. It will change your life.

PS. Because I know you are lazy, and will forgo the the Youtube search, I have added the video here for your convenience:


DINOSAUR OFFICE FTW.
Really, anything Diosaur related FTW.

Self Indulgence

Yesterday on my walk to the bus stop the sprinklers came on. (This shouldn’t have been a problem, but I usually walk on the grass when the opportunity arises, it’s better for your feet, and I was in the middle of the “danger zone” when they started, wetting me enough as to be uncomfortable, but not enough to soak through.) Not cool, Langford.

Aside from my impromptu second shower I have been having a pretty good week. I’ve stuck to my schedule of writing every day for the last week, though I don’t post everything I write. (You should thank me for that. Seriously. I expect a Thank You note, handwritten and delivered directly.) Also, I made it home alive from both jobs and, to top it all off, I finally got (under)paid.

Life is good.

Life is very good.

And what better way to reward myself for a week well done than to indulge in my two favourite pastimes: writing lists and talking about myself?

Thus I bring to you without further ado “The Awesome List” (or “10 Things You Didn’t Need to Know”):

1) About once a month I obsessively start listening to Josh Ritter again. This lasts anywhere from two to six days.

2) I DON’T GO A DAY WITHOUT ABUSING ALL CAPS.

3) I’m only smooth when no one is looking. (Seriously, remind me to tell you one day about the time I tripped over my coffee table, did a mid-air flip and landed on my feet while home alone.)
(Scratch that, you don’t need to remind me, I just told you about it.)

4) I’m still angry that my Dad wouldn’t let me join gymnastics.

5) Following that, I’m still grateful to my Mom for letting me quit the soccer team and sea cadets.

6) Sometimes I create my own “alphabet pattern” so people don’t judge me for alphabetizing everything.

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

R I Z Q H Y P G X O F W N E V M D U L C T K B S J A

Get it?

7) Every once in a while I get the urge to email my Dad using fake binary code. (0 for vowels, 1 for consonants).

8 ) It’s because of facts 6 and 7, and a host of other quirky habits, that I’m sure I will stay single. It’s all part of my perma-awkward state of being.

9) Getting to know me has three phases:
a) the shy awkward phase
b) the droll and witty awkward phase
c) the exuberantly entertaining awkward phase (complete with alliteration and excessive excitement)

And finally,

10) I only make lists ending in even numbers or multiples of five. The only exception to this is my occasional bakers’ dozen rants.

As an aside, I never know how to end these listed posts. It’s times like these I really wish I had a catch phrase …

PS. My comma key broke down during this post. Perhaps I should reconsider my comma overuse? … Perhaps, but probably not.