Happy Birthday (I guess)

Dear Dad,

Happy Birthday to you!

I love you and hope you have a delightful day. I say this even though I still have not forgiven you for never letting me join gymnastics.
(You’d think that after 24 years I would have let it go, but you’d be wrong. I will never forget. Never.)

I suppose after last year’s mushy post you were expecting something heartfelt and kind … but instead I am just going to admit something you have known all along: I have been deliberately inciting the feud between you and Kevin and it has been fantastic!

The Paper Airplane Smack Talk? Awesome!
The Cookie Thieving? Frankly it’s flattering.

I will neither confirm nor deny that I currently have a colour coded task list of other things I can use to stoke the fire.
(Though that really does sound like something I would do, doesn’t it? Mwahahahahaha!)

Still, it’s your birthday so I suppose I can be kind to you for at least today, even if you haven’t submitted a Friend Resume to me for my perusal.
(That’s two strikes. First the gymnastics, now the friend resume. If it wasn’t your birthday I would tell you that you are on thin ice.)

Love Always,


PS. Kevin ate two of your birthday cookies. He says they are delicious.


10 thoughts on “Happy Birthday (I guess)

  1. …your Dad told me he couldn’t be your “friend” because it would be a conflict of interest… besides, you haven’t made him cookies often enough!

  2. Oh how I’d hate to be in your dad’s shoes. Oh wait…I am! I’m the guy who stole them when I burglarized his house last night. Who would have ever thought a pair of penny loafers would lead me into the hands of a depraved master-mind, denied of gymnastics as a child, and befriended by her dad as an adult with a friend resume. What a world, what a world! Who would have thought a bad little girl like you could destroy my beautiful future career as a burglar. I’m melting, melting…ohhhhh…(puddle).

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