Friendly Not Flirty (Dear Gentleman Barista)

Dear Gentleman Barista,

I am sorry if I made you uncomfortable when I winked at you this morning. I recognize now that it was a weird thing to do especially with the lineup of people behind me. I will know better next time and promise to only wink when the place is empty.

Or, you know, just never wink again.

Also I am doubly sorry for loudly stating that I was being “friendly, not flirty” before laughing awkwardly and bumping into the gift card display. I just wanted to be clear and wasn’t sure how best to get the message across. Perhaps I should have just slid you a note? Either way, I think drawing attention to myself definitely made me seem more ‘flirty than friendly’ which was obviously not what I was going for.

I suppose silence is best in situations like this.

Honestly this nervousness is just because I have no idea how to act around you. Your penchant for giving me free stuff makes me uncomfortable as I am not sure if it’s because you “like me” or if it is meant as an apology for how you always spell my name wrong. (It’s Sarah with an H!)

I am not comfortable with people “liking me”. It’s weird and I don’t like it …

Alas, I do love not having to pay for soy and getting the occasional pretzel for free has the power to turn my frown upside down every time. Thank you for this.

To get back on point I really just want to make sure I am not leading you on in any way with my adorable awkwardness.
(My super cuteness factor isn’t something I can just turn off. It comes naturally to me.)

I promise I will give it up one day ...  I mean Starbucks. Get your mind out of the gutter.

I promise I will give it up one day …
I mean Starbucks. Get your mind out of the gutter.

The truth is I am quite happy with my current paramour and while I don’t think he can make a very good latte I still would like to keep him around. This doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate you and the awesome work you do, it just means this awkward tension between us is never going to go anywhere. Ever.

Was that too blunt?

My bad.

I hope we can continue our relationship of Barista/Customer both knowing that this is as far as it will ever go.

I also really hope you can start spelling my name right as it is one of my biggest Pet Peeves, though I am sure I can let it go if I must.
(That’s a lie, I will never let it go and if the opportunity ever presents itself I will definitely spell your name wrong!)

Thank you for your time (and for all of the free stuff).

Sincerely,
S.M.R.P

PS. If your interest in me is because you think I have money please know that I don’t. I come to Starbucks all the time not because I can afford it, but because I am reckless and irresponsible.

PPS. Awkwardly winking at you and almost knocking over a display still isn’t the most embarrassing thing to happen to me at a Starbucks … Perhaps it’s time I just stop going? … … One day.

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16 thoughts on “Friendly Not Flirty (Dear Gentleman Barista)

  1. Dear friendly not flirty; Got your message loud and clear wink, wink. I just want to let you know that the free stuff will continue to come your way (but I wouldn’t take the lid off if I were you) as long as I continue to be employed here (which could change immediately if you were ever to take that lid off). Yes, your wink did throw me off a bit, but I just assumed you had allergies. Oh by the way, thanks loads for knocking over the gift card display, I really needed the extra work that day. Sorry you were uncomfortable, but now that I know your address, I think you’ll find that degree of discomfort was nothing compared to what I’ll be sending you in the mail (quick hint, its not a gift card). P.S. I bought space on the new billboard across the street from your place. I felt I should shout to the world what I feel to be the correct spelling of your name… it was SARA without the H, right? I hope this was not too obtuse. Cordially yours; your soon to be replaced barista. ;o)

  2. SaraH, I have a propensity to wink at people, a trait I inherited from my father. It has gotten me into trouble by sending mixed messages. But it’s a habbit I can’t break. And while I’ve never run into something after doing so, I have witnessed others doing so after I winked a them. Like a certain nun after receiving communion several years ago. I thought about apologizing but decided switching faiths was easier.

    Will I stop winking? Probably not.

    But if you see a late-40s looking guy in an AC/DC T-shirt wink at you in Starbucks for passing a sugar packet, please don’t be alarmed…

  3. “Also I am doubly sorry for loudly stating that I was being “friendly, not flirty” before laughing awkwardly and bumping into the gift card display.”

    I laughed out loud at this and I am sorry.

  4. An adorable barista once accused me of winking at her. I suppose she gets that a lot. But I had to explain that no, I had not winked at her. I had fallen asleep. Winks are usually defined as the blinking of one eye, not both.

    • Yes, it is pretty necessary to keep one eye open during winking, though when I was really young (4ish) I thought that slowly blinking both eyes was the same as a wink and I practiced it all the time. Perhaps that is why I now wink so weird?
      But I digress, situations like that are always so awkward because the more you try to explain that you weren’t flirting/winking/smiling creepily the more it sounds like a denial and like you really were doing one or probably all of those things! It’s an interesting conundrum.

  5. Oh my god, first, great blog name. Second, I’m an accidental winker too! I mean, I wink on purpose. But I find myself winking at strange men and realizing too late that they don’t get that I’m just trying to share a joke with them, like, yeah, you and I both get this. No, a woman winking at a man just seems brazen and he’s thinking, oh, she wants me to follow her into a bathroom so we can hook up. Ugh! Why can’t i stop winking?

    • Thank you!
      Also, isn’t it awful?! A wink is a wink my friends, it doesn’t mean anything sexual (especially not the way I wink … I mostly look like I’m having a seizure).
      I’m always glad to talk to a fellow weird winker!
      And thank you for stopping by and commenting 🙂

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