Mean Dreams

Every once in a while I will wake up super mad at people, usually Kevin, based on a dream I just had. Usually it’s because I have dreamed them doing something unforgiveable like leaving me behind in a Zombie Apocalypse or telling me my Chocolate Whiskey Cake tastes like crap.

My friends and family are jerks in my dreams.

Once I wake up I’m often confused, not knowing for sure whether I really am mad at Kevin for tripping me in front of a horde of flesh eating monsters or if it really even happened. In my still dreamy state I have a hard time realizing how unlikely it was and instead just glare into the early morning light, silently fuming and plotting my revenge.

It often takes a lot longer than it should before I stop being mad and realize that what happened was in fact a dream and no, my sister did not cut the strings to my parachute causing me to drop near to my death before being rescued by a Koala, no matter how vivid and realistic it felt while I was asleep.
(This one is a recurring dream … analyse that if you wish!)

Some of my more rational dreams take longer for me to realize they are dreams and my anger will slowly simmer until I finally ask the culprit about it, demanding confirmation. Again this usually happens to Kevin … I will suddenly turn to him and ask if I really am mad at him or only mad at dream him. He will say that it is obviously dream him I am mad at and I will narrow my eyes, cross my arms and say “Well, isn’t that what you would say if I really was mad at you and you just wanted me to think I’m not?”

At this point it’s usually best to not engage in a conversation with me until common sense kicks in.

Now, Dear Reader, before you think I am totally crazy (a fair conclusion) this irrational dream behaviour did have a very rational start.

One night many years ago I was awoken by a former paramour biting my nose. It hurt like a mother trucker and I had to smack him in the chest to get him to stop. My gentleman friend woke up rather irritated about being hit repeatedly and an argument quickly followed.

“Why would you hit me? I was asleep!”

“Because you BIT MY NOSE!”

“NO! I only dreamed I bit your nose!”

You can see now why I have some slight trust issues when it comes to sleep?

Alas, I suppose as long as this inability to distinguish dreams from reality doesn’t seep into my day dreams I’m in the clear.

I also have dreams like this A LOT. Like, a lot a lot.

I also have dreams like this A LOT. Like, a lot a lot. School is the nightmare that never leaves you.

13 thoughts on “Mean Dreams

  1. If only I had a nickel for everything I’d acted out IRL because I thought I was being chased by a giant bearclaw donut (Just stop trying to make donut happen for you, bearclaw! You will never be a donut!), I’d be rich enough to by out all of the bearclaws so as to never have them chase me again!! Dreams are so weird!
    BTW, that chocolate whiskey cake needs to find a way into my mouth. Like, yesterday.

    • It’s amazing how the brain can make the most ridiculous things just feel SO REAL!
      Also, I have never had a bear claw … but I can sympathize.
      Another also, I can send you the recipe if you want? It’s THE BEST CAKE. Honestly, if I could marry a cake it would be Lemon Pound Cake … but the Chocolate Whiskey Cake would be my mistress!

      • It really is. The brain is a fascinating and incredible and terrifying thing haha. Oh my goodness YES! Could you send me the recipe? That would be amazing!! I’d have to say my mom’s confetti cake has my heart (and stomach) but this one might be a close second! 🙂

      • This is soooooooooooooo delayed!
        Chocolate Whiskey Bundt Cake
        Prep Time: Baking Time: Makes:
        20 min 60 min 1 Bundt Cake

        1 cup cocoa powder & 3 tbsp for dusting pan
        1 ½ cups brewed coffee (I use Tim Hortons)
        ½ cup whiskey
        1 cup unsalted butter
        2 cups sugar
        2 cups flour
        1 ¼ tsp baking soda
        1/2 tsp. Salt
        2 large eggs
        1 tsp vanilla

        PRE-HEAT oven to 325°F. Grease bundt pan and dust with cocoa

        HEAT cocoa, coffee, whiskey and butter in a saucepan until butter melts. Remove from heat. Add sugar and whisk until dissolved (approximately 1 minute). Transfer to a large bowl and cool for 5 minutes.

        WHILE the chocolate mixture is cooling mix flour, baking soda and salt in a second bowl. In a third bowl whisk together eggs and vanilla. Add egg and vanilla mixture to cooled chocolate mixture. Then whisk in flour mixture until thin and bubbly.

        POUR into bundt pan. Bake until toothpick comes out clear or about 60 minutes. Cool in pan for 2 hours. After 2 hours loosen, then invert pan.

        *Improves flavour if made 1 day ahead. Keep in cake container at a cool temperature.

  2. The solution is simple. [Isn’t that just like a guy, offering solutions instead of LISTENING?] All you have to do is use daydreams to get back at those who attack you in your dream. If you dream that someone bit your nose, daydream that you hit them with a hammer. Trust me, it works.

    • I have taken a few days to really listen to your advice (or, more accurately, I haven’t been on WordPress for a few days … but let’s go with the first statement) and have to say my day-dreaming hammer-wielding self IS very cathartic!
      Thank you for your very helpful suggestion. Now, excuse me while I zone out and play a Dream Game of Whack ‘a’ Mole.

    • It can be so hard sometimes to separate the dream jerk from the person … especially if the jerky thing they did in your dream is totally in line with something they would do!

  3. I have recurring dreams about my very sweet boyfriend being a total jerkface. I don’t connect the two in real life though – they’re such radically different people that it feels like the dream version is a malevolent doppelganger that has secretly taken his place. That’s why Craig and I don’t call the dream version, “Craig.” We call him Evil Craig.

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