A Letter to My Parents: The Childhood that Could Have Been

Dear Mom and Dad,

Yesterday my friend sent me this picture of what is probably one of the coolest things ever invented in all of time. It is beautiful in its simplicity, marvelous in its design, brilliant in its function.

That could have been me!

That could have been me!

But rather than being excited at this awesome innovation I felt the green eyed monster rise up inside of me and if that kid had been in front of me instead of in a picture on my phone I would have stolen that Dino-Cob right from his sticky hands and not felt a single drop of regret.

That is how much I love it.

My friend and I got to talking about the Corn-a-Saurus and I couldn’t help but think about how much better my life would have been had I owned one growing up.

I think of all the veggies I could have eaten but didn’t, my pickiness solved by a dinosaur companion.

I think of all the friends I would have made when I unpacked it from my lunch bag, attaching it not just to corn on the cob but to apples, bananas, heck, even hot dogs!

I think of all the stories I could have now but don’t.

But most of all I think of the joy it would have brought me.

Joy that I now know was robbed from me by parents who didn’t think to make me my very own Corn-a-Saurus.

Mom and Dad (mostly Dad), I really want you to sit and think about what you have done here. Or, more specifically, what you didn’t do.

Take a moment and just think hard about how much better my life, the life of your youngest child, would have been if I had this product.

Think about how much more successful I would probably be right now, my shy awkwardness driven away by the popularity the Corn-a-Saurus would have brought me. I could have been Queen of the Playground! Benevolent but firm as I ruled with my Dinosaur Accessory at my side.

Think about how much more creative I would be having had such a neat start to life, learning early on the things you can do with a little imagination.

Please know that while I have forgiven you this obvious failure I will not forget it.

With affection (the love will come back in time),


PS. Dear Parents, it would go a long way in healing this wound if you would make me one now. I promise to use it every day.

18 thoughts on “A Letter to My Parents: The Childhood that Could Have Been

  1. A couln’t help but laugh out loud at your post and this life-changing development in toddler cuisine options. Then it struck me that this could open the door to a beet-a-saurus. And I screamed…

    • Lol, love it! Reality check : those things have sharp prongs that stick into the veggie/fruit. You wouldn’t be allowed to take then to school, or if you did, you’d be arrested for having a weapon! That would have traumatized you for life. Then you would have become a career criminal. So maybe your parents saved you from a life of crime.



      • Very true! But this was the early 90’s … back in the day before everything was considered a weapon 🙂

        Still, so long as it was a successful life of crime :p

    • Oh man. I have to figure out how to make these! Emily and Walter would look so cute! (Obviously I need to make myself a set first otherwise I’d just steal theirs …)

  2. I loved your story darling. What a thought – anything that would help you eat vegetables would make me happy, and you too!

  3. But didn’t anyone tell you how highly addictive a corn’a’saurus is? Somewhere in the bible it says, “When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became an adult, I did away with childish things”. Yeah, good luck doing away with a corn’a’saurus.

      • For the same reason that one must forsake their pink binky, it’s that awkward moment at the office when your coworkers stage an intervention.

      • A large part of me feels that any interventions will just be a thinly veiled attempt to steal my corn’a’saurus (my co-workers are a jealous lot).
        Alas, I suppose I will stick to using it home (once I get one).

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