Dear Marshall Eriksen,
Let me just start off by saying that I do understand that you are fictional. (And no, I don’t say that with the same *wink wink* I reserve for Harry Potter who we all know is real but is pretending to be fictional to protect himself as a super badass Auror, ok? Ok.)
But I don’t mind.
Unlike my other loves I have never dreamed of having you for my own. You and Lily are just too perfect together. Marshmallow and Lily-Pad Forever <3.
Though for the sake of full discloser, I definitely plan to make a copy of you to marry when cloning becomes legal and reliable. Or, more specifically, I plan to make a copy of Jason Segal and just have him continue in the unscripted (ok, occasionally scripted, like on my birthday and stuff) role of Marshall forever and ever. It will be super romantic and we will both be very happy.
Still, despite your fictional status and the fact that you and your fictional wife are the perfect couple, I love you so very much.
You are kind, funny, goofy, tall, handsome, loyal, and have a love of the ridiculous that I deeply admire.
Which is why I chose to write you this letter on Halloween, a day that I know is every important to you (and Lily too, I guess).
You see, Marshall, I too believe in Ghosts and think that the Loch Ness Monster is a very real possibility. And though I really don’t believe in the Sasquatch I think that maybe the Yeti could exist in the frozen tundra that remains undiscovered. Maybe.
(Side note: is there still undiscovered frozen tundra outside of Antarctica? I really need to learn more about geography/exploration.)
Also, like you, I love puns and silly jokes more than anything ever. In fact, when I heard you tell my favourite Fish Joke I felt something stir in my heart that I had never felt before.
(What do you call a Fish with no Eyes? Fsh!)
(Side note: I don’t actually remember if you tell that joke on the show but I am sure you would love it. Your other jokes are good too.)
You are the perfect man, the perfect friend, and the perfect husband.
And you have set my standards impossibly high.
With my eternal love,