Faking Sophistication

Confession Time: I am a wine poser.

I drink a lot of wine (a lot a lot) and have been to many a wine tasting but I still don’t know much about The Art of Wine. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love a good Riesling now and again and I do know the correct pronunciation of Gewurztraminer (which I constantly point out whenever I can), but I am definitely not a connoisseur.

Still, that doesn’t stop me from pretending to be.

When we go out to wine tastings in the Okanagan I love to spout crap about complexity and flavor notes. I get a smug satisfaction from discussing tannins and the fullness of the bouquet and I love, love, love name dropping wineries we’ve been to.

It’s fun.

And pretentious, which instantly makes it more fun.

But the truth is I have no idea what I am talking about. I am never able to find that “hint of apple” or discern the “smoky overtones” and “peppery sweetness”. I don’t know anything about grape varietals and I can’t tell the difference between un-oaked and oaked red wines. I have also yet to find a Malbec that didn’t make my mouth water in a bad way.

And, quite possibly my worst offense, my favourite bottle of wine is only $11.99 at my local liquor store. (White Bear Riesling, check it out. It’s delicious.)

I just drink what tastes good.

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This is me. Drinking all classy like. Side Note: Those glasses can fit more than half a bottle of wine … not that I have ever done that … that would not be sophisticated … Right?

I know, I know, it’s shameful.

Still, I own two wine glasses the size of my face (courtesy of Kevin) so at least I can look classy as I drink my overpriced Okanagan wines, saving the bottles for Pinterest crafts and so my friends can think I am sophisticated when they arrive at my house and are greeted by a wall of empties.

Every once in a while it occurs to me that I might want to learn more about wine. Perhaps I could buy a book or watch some YouTube videos about the proper way to swirl (or is it swish?) the wine in your glass before tasting ever so delicately?

I could even spend the next several months leading up to our annual Kelowna vacation learning more about what wines age well (as if I leave a bottle un-drunk long enough to “age”) and the art of food pairings. And I should probably consider eating the provided crackers in an effort to cleanse my pallet rather than just wanting a cheap snack.

Perhaps I could surprise Kevin with my newly acquired sophistication, positioning my glasses slightly farther down onto my nose so as to appear the perfect combination of snooty yet suave as I drop facts with casual grace.

At the very least this knowledge might stop me from feeling guilty every time we leave a tasting empty handed (which is never because I always buy just one bottle so as not to offend the sommelier … and yes, I did have to Google that word.).Instead I can pride myself on not buying the wine because it didn’t meet my obviously lofty standards.

Or maybe I’ll just keep drinking what tastes good?

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Mmmm! Tasty AND Sophisticated!

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4 thoughts on “Faking Sophistication

  1. Incoming cliché: we are cut from the same cloth. I, too, am a wine poser. I buy my wine at Costco, drink from glasses that could hold the contents of an entire bottle, and the only flavour I can taste is berry, which is probably actually the flavour of the grapes. I do know when a wine is dry—my mouth feels dry after I drink it. Incoming pretentious/sophisticated question: Have you been to Silver Sage Winery in Oliver? Their sage wine is absolutely divine.

    • I haven’t tried it yet, but I will certainly look for it! I am always looking for something new to try 🙂
      Also, there is definitely something magical about glasses that hold the whole bottle. It’s wonderful being able to say “Really, I just drank one glass!”
      PS. I love a good cliché 🙂

  2. HA! A kindred spirit. I grew up poor, thinking Manischewitz and gallons of cheap port, Ernst & Julio Gallo, was classy. I love that pink wine in the box, too–the one with the grape leaves and the plastic tap. And Cold Duck is just like Champagne, of course it is. Current criteria: at the wine shop, it’s all about cool bottle art/price. Once uncorked, does it burn my uvula? Or not? I don’t understand craft beer all that well, either, but at least I know if I like it or not–and not just because I usually like it, though I do.

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