The Selected Works of an Aspiring Egomaniac

For my Dad’s birthday this year I made him a pretty cool present. I gave him a book titled “The Selected Works of an Aspiring Egomaniac”, a collection of my writing throughout the years.

I spent weeks gathering together stories I had written, from my first stories (Belle’s Adventures) to school assignments, from fanfiction to angsty poetry, as well as some of my favourite blog entries. I edited them into a nice trade paperback, cut all of the pages by hand (as apparently Staples doesn’t print trade sized documents), illustrated it, and had it bound by the awesome Meadland Bindery. IMG_4275

I’m not going to lie, I’m pretty sure I won “Best Gift” this year. (Take that, David and Julia. In your face, Mom.)

I’m incredibly proud of this book and, though there is only one copy in existence, I believe it is a sign of more things to come. I am working on several projects that I wish to self-publish (likely only making 12-15 copies as that’s more than enough to cover the people I know who will actually buy them, and because it’s most bindery’s minimum). This is not something I plan to make any money on (or, in all honesty, even breakMy two books: "Belle's Adventures" and "The Selected Works" even on) but it’s something I am excited about.

Still, I have a lot to do before that happens. In the meantime, dear reader, I hope you are content to read this blog as well as The (Western) Canadian for all of your fiction and humiliation needs.

And if that’s not enough to tide you over I will share with you an excerpt from the book. A blog entry from 2006 (my original blog, BrandedExplorer, hosted by LiveJournal) complete with an illustration:

Halloween 2006

It might be Halloween bringing out the strange in life, or it might be the fact that I have become a magnet for strange men and crack addicts but I got hit on by two very strange men in the space of two hours today. Both times made me very uncomfortable but I suppose I should take it as a compliment … Right?

Situation One: while working at the National Bank I offer a strange man with dreadlocks down to his waist a candy (we have a basket out for Halloween and I’m getting paid $12/hour to sit on my arse and offer them to customers) He replies “I’ll take the Mr. Big. Because I’m big” *eyebrow raise and wink* I laugh nervously. “You know what I mean right? Big?” I fidget uncomfortably and tell him that I get it, he winks again and leaves.

Situation Two: while shopping at the Real Canadian Warehouse a strange cashier with a mullet starts to talk to me about my New Zealand toque while ringing me in.

“You ever been to New Zealand?” At my nod he continues, “Auckland?”

“Yup, I actually went around South and North Island.”

He nods appreciatively. “Anyone ever propose?”

“Not that I can remember.”

“Cool, cool. I read about this one girl who went to Egypt and a guy offered her ten thousand camels so he could marry her. I’d offer you ten thousand camels, but I don’t have any.”

“…thanks…”

img_4290

Thank you, dear reader, for your continued reading.
Sincerely,
SMRP

PS. And, just because I love it so much, here is another illustration for you, this one is from “The Ugly Duckling” blog post:

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