How to Un-attract the Attracted

I don’t like the man who sits next to me on the bus in the morning. He always presses his shorts clad thigh just a little too close-to-be-naturally-resting against mine and he is excessively cheery in the morning. It doesn’t matter where I sit each day, my “bus friend” always joins me on the seat. It’s not that he’s attracted to me … I’m just the least intimidating female on the bus.

Scratch that, he is attracted to me. I’m just pretending to be modest.

Still, while I am flattered by the bus man’s attention, it makes me quite uncomfortable for two reasons:

1)      I am leery of people on the bus (Remember this?)

2)      I don’t like it when people are attracted to me

I can hear your mind blowing in response to my second reason. Yes, it is true. I don’t like it when people are attracted to me. (I should probably amend this to “I don’t like it when people I am not attracted to are attracted to me” but it just doesn’t have the same ring to it.)

This is why I have been so horrid at internet dating. I feel absolutely awful the second a nice man takes a shine to me (and I am mildly perturbed when a creepy man does). Don’t get me wrong, I realize finding love on the internet is an open invitation for rejection, but why should I have to contribute to it?

So rather than doing the decent thing and rejecting someone outright I tell them I am too busy washing my hair, watching paint dry or writing about them in my blog. This makes me a bad person.

My tried and true method of rejection? The ABC’s!

A)     Avoid
B)     Be Better at Avoiding
C)     Continue to Avoid

It’s a surprisingly ineffective method, and one would think I’d have moved onto a new system by now (you know, like telling the truth) … but one would be wrong. Why lead people on when the right thing to do is kick them to the curb with a shouted “It’s not you, it’s me “ followed by a quiet “well, it IS you … well, it’s more me not liking you …”

Admit it. You are judging me right now and wondering if the decency gene skipped me altogether. Don’t you worry, the world got its revenge by making me extra awkward in situations where I actually like the guy.

I literally have no personality around gentlemen I actually like, and will usually just stand around starring at my feet and talking about the XMen and Harry Potter and how cool it would be if they did a crossover (IT WOULD BE SO COOL!). Throw in the occasional high pitched giggle and you can picture me on a date.

The worst part? In the world of dating, when I am not avoiding, I spend all my time concentrating on not saying this:

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2 thoughts on “How to Un-attract the Attracted

  1. in my head, your bus man appears like the typical older Victoria man, and thus this is *really* creepy.

    I also hate when men I don’t know/have crushes on are overly friendly/inquisitive/chummy/flirty. Instead of your ABC’s I tend to work by:

    Freeze
    Intimidate
    Scathe
    Wither

    It doesn’t have the same ring to it as ABC, but it is quite effective 🙂

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