Fact of Life: After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says W T F

My normal need for eloquence escapes me today. The reason? Today sucked. My entire morning was a series of unfortunate events. A cheap Chaplin knockoff that is both tragically comedic and uncomfortably ridiculous.

Now I am no stranger to bad luck and near misses (broken glasses, truck concussions, missing grant cheques – ask me one day about my brother’s and my reverse karma) but this was a little much, even for me.

It all started when I got in the shower only to realize that there was no hot water left. My guess? The gentleman in apt 202 had decided to change up his morning routine by adding steam to his already hot boxed bathroom thus subjecting me to a cold shower. (The smell of pot that comes down through the vent every morning is the reason I don’t get ready in the bathroom … the last thing I need is to show up at my government job smelling like The Dude.)

Surprisingly the cold water didn’t irritate me. I finished showering in less than three minutes (a record setting experience for me) and, with an entire seven minutes added to my morning routine, was actually able to make a real breakfast for a change.

Once dressed I settled in at my desk, breakfast in hand, ready to waste five minutes reading the latest status updates. I was in a damn good mood and even managed to watch the video for “Club Villain” before getting ready to leave the house. I made it to the door without incident before realizing I had a) left my boots at work the night before and b) had somehow managed to get melted peanut butter and jam all over my pants. Classy.

Changing my clothes took longer than it should have, mainly because I had to find clothes to change into (Saturday is laundry day so nearly everything is dirty). Despite the fact that I was now running late I still managed to stay cheerful. It wasn’t until I got to the alley between 80th and 81st avenue that things really started to go to shit. There, waiting at the cross walk with the red numbers counting down from 10, was my bus. Not only was I late, the bus was early.

I ran for it, painfully twisting my knee as I skidded on the ice but managing not to fall, and made it to the stop just as the bus was closing its doors. The driver let me on and headed for the next stop while I reached into my purse for my bus pass. My missing bus pass. I literally searched through my entire purse, starting to panic while the driver scowled at me as he let new passengers on.  Standing there sans bus pass and with less than 30 cents in change, I finally had to admit defeat.

I tried to explain my situation to the driver, the same driver who has had me as a passenger on his bus every Monday through Friday since January, but he kept repeating that he didn’t want to “Set a precedent” by letting me ride for free. Luckily one of my coworkers from Chapters was on the bus and she loaned me two bus tickets so I could make it to work and home again. (Thank you Christina!)

Sweating from my impromptu sprint, and still in a state of panic I took a seat. Struggling to calm down, I unzipped my jacket and reached behind me to remove my backpack. Had I not already been flustered I’m sure it would have occurred to me to check to see what my backpack was caught on before blindly pulling. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case. Instead I used all of my pent up frustration to pull the damn thing forward, ripping my own sweater in the process (the clip on my bag was somehow caught in my collar).

I spent the remainder of my commute scowling down at my book and was in a terrible mood by the time I reached the office, limping as I put weight on my still throbbing knee. I actually snarled at a coworker when she asked about my ripped sweater (I immediately apologized).

Tonight I will message my brother to find out what award he has won that has resulted in my terrible day, but for now I am taking advantage of this perfect opportunity to practice my “angry” face. World beware, I’m about to get a lot more intimidating.

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